A New Page

Nine months ago, I didn’t know half the people that today are a good part of my every day. Nine months ago, I was at cross roads. Nine months ago was when I last posted.

It has been quite a journey. I started a new job, I learned I will be a father, I moved to a new place, I bought my first car and today I learned of my new promotion. There would have been no way I would have guessed that my life nine months later would be anything like what it is today. For those who know me, that is almost unthinkable! I am the sort who spends eternity trying to identify possible parameters that would affect my future. Far back as I can remember, I have always fought to make certain all my uncertainties. However whenever in my life, I feel I have figured it out, life takes a different form and I have a new chapter to learn.

At many instances in my life, I have second guessed what the future will hold. As a result, I have been so obsessed with the unknown that I have forgotten to stop and observe the known and the visible. The more I travel through life, the more I understand that the design of my life is seldom sealed by my efforts. Don’t get me wrong it is often a powerful catalyst but not the final determinant.

Guess what I am trying to say is stretching to get a glimpse of what tomorrow holds is an eternal illusion. Look around you at the significant things that make you who you are today. Be thankful and ask if you are truly where you feel you should be. In the noisy alley of life over speeding is often what keeps us from listening to our inner voice. Life, at least in my experience, is one step ahead. So when you plan ahead, hope trust and pray!

Yesterday's tomorrow has to the most part turned out to be the today I aspired. I am content, hopeful and looking forward for the new experiences that are to come. Hoping, Trusting and Praying!!

MASKED

Masks are fascinating. PERIOD!! I was hooked when I was a kid, growing up to Batman and other masked Heroes on TV or comic books. It was probably too much for my feeble mind then to comprehend the “MASK” that transformed a seemingly ordinary individual in to a super hero. Growing up, I grew out of it involuntarily I might add. That is why I want to grow ‘young’ as opposed to this other mundane thing we do!! In any case I believed that the Magic of the Mask was over for me till when my uncle reestablished its existence. It was on a taxi going to school. I was telling him how I get bored with small talk or people pulling my cheeks on the commute. He recommended that I always take the seat by the window and look at the passers by. He said if I look closely I can see the mask that people had on from the various interactions. That was it….. I still can’t get myself to stop!

At 25, I am still amazed at the way each one of us has different masks and how effortlessly we transform. Take an average day from the time we wake up, the face we put on to our family, the paperboy, the milk man, the watchman, colleagues and friends. It can be simple facial gestures, personal gazes, change in tone or out right pronounced change in body language. Which ever one of these it is, it has been done perfectly for so long that one almost forgets that it was arrived at consciously. We didn’t just decide that we will smile more among our friends than we will when among strangers. Somewhere along the line we have categorized the people around us and our reaction to them is hence dictated by this categorization. More often than not; being individualistic, we structure our reactions depending on how we want to be perceived. Once this is achieved the journey is downhill. We pick and choose the traits which we believe acceptable to a category and muffle the rest with our masks.

We realize the importance of these masks all too well. Can you imagine the catastrophe of being caught with a mask that doesn’t fit the category? This would be worse than stepping out of the shower in to the middle of a crowded Mambalam railway station at peak hour. Imagine being the way you are with your drinking buddies at your mom’s prayer group meet; worse yet imagine showing your true face to a ‘HIGHER UP’ while trying to sell something that you have lost all faith in, knowing your life depended on it. The numbers of times we have found ourselves in similar fix or the fear of the disaster that happened to those who have experienced the same teach us to pick our masks wisely.

I have witnessed at times when the masked ones are totally compromised unknowingly by their audience, mostly brought about by a drastic change in circumstance like grief, illness and surprise. We juggle so many masks these days that we have forgotten that we even choose. Some people wear a mask when feeling restricted to be who they really are; some wear it to fit in, some for protection. Whatever the case most people have worn it for so long that they have become the mask. We have gone so far as to assume that the mask we are shown is the entirety of a person’s character. I am of the belief that we are so lost in what we show to others that we have quit asking why we show it.

So I end this post asking all the readers to go out of your categories and ask yourself why and if you are showing the people around you the face you want to show. To mask or unmask, you choose but at least this way you will know why.

2010

Plan + Less

December is here again. It is that time of the year where we sit and try to make some sense of the happenings of the last year of our lives. We tally the success against the failure, the happy moments against the bad, friends made to friends lost, money spent to money saved, time saved to time wasted. We try to cumulate all aspects of the past year to learn and better steer our lives for the coming 365 days. We don’t just introspect in December. Based on our sentiments of the past year; we make resolutions- WE PLAN!

Conventionally “PLANNING” is a good thing. After all most of our life is spent trying to know more about what we do not know. Planning gives us the edge and removes our fear of the unknown. It is our way of saying ‘look here life, I have a plan and you had better act accordingly’. In retrospect however do these plans and resolutions actually move us closer to what we want to achieve or does it restrict us from being flexible to appreciate what is outside of our plans.

If there is one thing that this year has taught me, it is the importance of accommodating the unknown and allowing for variable change. I have always been the guy who draws energy from the known. I like to be informed and I plan meticulously to the point where a deviation is almost impossibility. Fortunately for me my experience thus far had never exposed me to sit and ponder over the feasibility of my approach. This year did exactly that.

We live in a world where we have developed our forecasting ability to the extent where its failure is a controlled occurrence. We train ourselves regressively and choose our environments wisely so as to not move out of our comfort zone. Everything around us is planned and so we mould our expectations and desires around things where we are certain of our success. Our institutions, be it educational or otherwise are built on the principle of maximization, maximizing the probability of attaining our desires. The repetition of such an exercise over the years has led to a gradual decline of our ability to adjust, adopt and pull down our inborn resilience to stand up after a fall.

If there is one characteristic of life that can’t be denied, it is its spontaneity. Some consider this very nature frightening and try to plan their way around it, while others embrace it and try to dance along to its tune. So this January when you ponder over your resolution ask yourself which one you would like to be. If you ever plan, plan to be surprised. Plan to just have a sense of direction. It is wise to ask questions of your plans when conceptualizing but never refrain from grasping all the opportunity that life throws your way. Opportunity is a rough tide; while debating the potential risk from a wrong entry, it passes on to those daring enough to challenge. Here is wishing that we challenge the coming year head on. Though we can’t be “Planless”, I hope we do plan less and be more open to embrace surprises that define our lives.

Public Lunacy

A couple of incidents that happened recently have caused me to sit and analyze the way the public relates to the powerful and the famous. From the point an individual is recognized as a public figure and added to page three of our morning papers, their personal lives become ours. More often the public is hungry until fed news about all aspects of these personalities through the marvel we call the media. The work that these celebrities take up to yield their power, fame and glamour is soon forgotten. The more publicity a celebrity receives the more the public crazes to read detailed personal information about them. At this point it is no longer sufficient for a fan to know that a revered singer is about to bring out a new album. When news of a detailed track list before the release date fails to appease fans as much as news of the singer’s relationship or their cosmetic surgery plans, one can’t help but wonder when we took such a detour.

It is well documented that through out history the powerful and famous have used their leverage to influence and contribute as role models to the lives of the common man. They have been the faces and voices of campaigns against abduction of human rights as well as other anti social elements of our society. The schedule of the celebrity has become more extensive since the days where their profile was limited to creating social awareness. Today an average JOE is a nothing but a walking talking ATM who is cracked open by the glamour of global brands through the magic of advertisement.

The desire of the public (a.k.a consumer) has mutated from comfort to glamour. It is not enough to be seen sporting anything unless it is branded internationally and endorsed locally. So now, we have JOE and JILL smelling, walking, talking dressing and looking like the stereotype star. This goes on for a couple of years, till all of a sudden JOE and Jill need counseling to remind them that they in fact are different people to the stars they imitate. They soon realize the word celebrity by definition requires them, the public, to remain ordinary. Now that Tom, Dick and Harry are also on that track, originality becomes as obscure as the game of Jumanji.

It is quite normal to hear the public rant about the lives of the famous. The media often dissects these opinions into no less than three opposing camps and has critics on live TV debating the issue over and over till anyone who doesn’t care starts to. When the debate is heated at which point it is way beyond reason or logic the arguments become more crude and the comments inhumane. One can’t help but be amazed at how personal the lives of the famous have become to the public. It is as though the word personal is its own antonym in this setting. It is a wild wild circus and the animals (read gossip addicts) are as unruly as they come.

The public is aware that their craze for page three gossip has created a species known as the paparazzi which scrutinizes the lives of the famous under the microscope. The public understands that this maybe violating the personal space of these individuals. However the public is willing to have their famous and powerful have it all as it is merely the price of their fame. Yet again in our glorious history, the sum total of our collective reasoning as a society yields an equation which is totally incomprehensible from the stand point of an individual.

The way I see it, it is the public that require the existence of the famous. It is the public who piece together the hype and make believe persona of the famous through their daily innuendos. It is the public who imitate the looks, clothes and attitude of the famous. It is the public who require and hence create the famous only to build them up, trash and tear them to pieces.

But the question is who pays at the end of it all? Sure the famous have their lives under scrutiny and their mediocre activities sell millions everyday either as tabloid news or headlines of papers. It seems to me that literally if fame has its price then it is the public who pay not the famous. Who buys the hairstyle, hair products, perfumes, watches, clothes and under garments of the famous? Definitely the public, the famous have it all under written as complementary in addition to the ridiculous sum they are paid to sport it. Who has their heart broken or their personal life sprayed across news papers in more than one country? -The famous. Who buys the papers, the public! Who has their life discussed on talk shows and reality TV programs? -The famous! Who sits and watches? – The public! Need I say more????

The Public has lost it! I understand that man by nature requires a live social sphere to exist. A medium where opinions are constantly relayed back and forth, a medium where debate of opposing notions is discussed with logical reasoning, a medium where discussions and conversations held in the interests of bringing about constructive conclusions spear head our development as a race. But this, this craze disorder we have developed for the lives of the famous and gossip around it takes social interaction to a whole different level. So maybe, WE need to relearn the meaning of the word personal. Maybe just maybe the line between what is personal and what is public in the lives of the famous is also the divide between what is irrelevant to what is constructive in the lives of the public.

CORRUPTION

This past year I have turned a new leaf to my life. As is customary that meant having to do my rounds in the government offices to get my change of status documented and sealed. My case being peculiar, it warranted more visits than normally prescribed. It was here that I got my self toying to understand the most astounding of all social organizational beasts- Corruption.

It is the most discussed organizational faux pas. It is clearly the most fought against vice at regional national and international levels. All around the world much has been written by our legislators and millions work as watch dogs to ensure its abolition. It miraculously however continues to not only mutate and exist but does so in a manner which shows no trend of a decrease. A simple surface dissection in to the topic will clearly show that it is a systemic malfunction but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to believe it was just that.

I sit and think of all the Television AD’s and the Anti corruption campaigns that always sing the same sermon-“Corruption is evil”. What an eye opener!! It baffles me to think, that any one would be naïve enough to believe for a second, that those who engage in corruption do so because they believe they are promoting social welfare and equity. This is classic human defense mechanism at play. The principle is simple- Label whatever is unjust and unfair to society as foreign to our good nature and tag it all on evil (Mind you the definition of evil is very fluid, a work in progress, and we add to it with every passing day). We move on to identify our good nature as rational beings whose actions in all circumstances is in total harmony with what is just and fair. This of course cleanses us of what is evil, and defines its traits foreign to the normal social behavior we exhibit.

Does corruption exist because there are those corrupt officials wanting more than what the system provides or the service seekers who are willing to do anything to get around the line of service? Is it an aberration unique only to some processes in the system? The second notion is much easier to deconstruct as corruption works its way from the smallest of ranks to the highest of seats. In developing countries like ours at the smallest levels one can point to the inability of the system to adequately remunerate its civil servants as a possible reason. In higher settings however, such a reason can not be quoted. The service providers as well as those who require the service are too wealthy to cite inability to meet their needs as a cause. Corruption at this level is a different beast all together. At this level its purpose is not to get things done but rather to mask or rearrange certain elements and tip the odds in ones favor. In such a setting the participants have higher risk coefficients and zero patience to get in line cause their wealth can buy countries let leave be bothered by system rules.

The nature of what has people engage in corruption is not differences in their economic standings and definitely not the type of service that they are engaged in. The welfare scheme of ones country can curb the level of corruption at the lower levels but it will continue to thrive at the highest public and private administrative settings. The primary prerogative of man is Survival. We often forget that all other values are adhered to and accepted provided that survival is not threatened. As one is pushed close and closer to the bare minimum of what is the required for survival, the higher the desire to bend and eventually break the rule of law.

At this point, my thought process has reoriented from identifying corruption as a social animal to one that is innate to the individual. The nature of man one can relate to corruption is of course greed. Be it as the officer offering the service or the person seeking for the service, be it whatever the reason for participation, the existence of corruption highlights our inability as a race to adhere to rules and regulations. Maybe after all it is not a rational prerogative for man to always act in ways that are just to his fellow beings. Maybe what we claim is evil is nothing different to our own actions that can’t be reconciled with social justice and harmony. My question thus changes from ‘What are the organizational measures to be taken to fight corruption?’ to ‘Can we fight corruption at an organizational level or at a personal one?’ Obviously the organizational anti corruption set up is to criminalize and jail those who are corrupt. This of course helps keeps at check those who conspire and use corruption as a steady means of income through the fear of incarceration. However the distance such an action goes to bring about behavioral change in an individual is debatable.

If corruption in its entirety is an adversary we wish to combat, it is a battle to be fought with in each one. Until one places their trust in the system and the rule, until one refrains from acting in a manner which is selfish and unfair corruption will continue to run our systems. Though rosy to paint the day where all will put first what is fair to what is personally beneficial, its actual occurrence in reality is as far as we will ever be to getting rid of systems that bow to corruption and people who are corrupt.

“If a country is to be corruption free and become a nation of beautiful minds, I strongly feel there are three key societal members who can make a difference. They are the father, the mother and the teacher.” Abdul Kalam

Prayer

While in college, I remember having a conversation with one of my close friends about the need for prayer. “Is prayer restricted to those who acknowledge and accept the existence of a divine being? Does prayer always have to be a request? Does it always have to have a reward? Is the power of prayer directly proportional to the earnestness of ones heart or is it influenced by the number of people who voice out that same request? Is prayer personal primarily and general as a consequence or is it the other way around?” My questions have taken me through different perspectives and though much remains to be unveiled, here is what I have gathered so far.
People have wants!! PERIOD!! That is the driving force for waking up every morning. It is amazing what one is willing to do to ensure accomplishment of their desires. So for those who ask why people pray well isn’t it obvious! – People want to leave no stone unturned if it is believed to have a role in the realization of their desires. If people haven’t figured that yet, I recommend a little introspection. On the other hand, I also resent those whose definition of prayer is a string of never ending requests. I find it hilarious that a person, who is willing to believe that there is a divine being, conveniently assumes that the divine being exists merely to be used as a wish machine. I also find it difficult to comprehend that God waits for a specific magic number of prayers from a prayer group to be sent up before he considers acting on these never ending requests. A little bit naïve for my liking.  
 I do pray. I am thankful though, that I try to restrict it from being a request. Prayer is a place I go when I want clarity of mind. A place where I do not ask out of greed but a place where I seek understanding of my existence and the role I am to play. It is a place I run to when I want a break from the ruthless competition of our time, the greed, and life on the fast lane. Prayer helps me slow all dimensions of my life to examine my actions. Instead of a wish list when I pray, I like to meditate on my intentions and introspect on decisions made and those that still await me. Prayer helps me understand and accept circumstances around me and dictates my will to keep playing the game of life. It keeps me focused, balanced and true to myself. Prayer thus defined is less a noisy attempt to stuff all requests in a set time frame but more a silence that promotes listening and introspection. 
I know friends who ask why or how to pray. I don’t think there is ever a set way of praying that is applicable to all. I am sure however that if we sit quiet and take time to clear our minds of all our never ending desires, the tension and all the thoughts of tomorrow, each ones prayer will come to them. My prayer is always in silence. Look for the silence in your life amidst all the chaos and havoc around you and you will find an exercise you can never bring yourself to stop. I pray for you what I pray for me that we find the silence that resonates within us. 

“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart”. -- John Bunyan

ENOUGH!!!

Ask anyone around you- a friend, a parent,a sibling,a passer by or even yourself about “WHAT IS ENOUGH?” You will be astounded by the amount of head scratching, sky gaping and painfully long gaps taken before a very inconclusive or oddly abstract answer is muttered. It gets better; the answer is not just incomprehensible to the listener but almost always leaves the person asked with an unsettled feeling. The type of feeling one gets moments after having completed packing for a long trip or after having crammed an all nighter before a killer final, like something is amiss. You know the feeling, all of us have been there one too many times and no matter how hard we rattle our mind trying to pin it, it is a mission impossible. 
It is the one question we never satisfactorily answer, the one thing that we are never ever sure about. In fact the answer to that question has been debated and still remains controversial among various disciplines and schools of thoughts. Being curious of course is one of the defining character of our race, and when faced with a question, we can’t have it unanswered. We have to know. We have to have an answer. So when faced with the “WHAT IS ENOUGH?” question, we declared it absolutely normal to not know what enough is. It is what fuels humanity and civilization, the fact that we never stop, the fact that we are never satisfied, the fact that we always want more. 
Mind you, if being unsatisfied is the corner stone of our civilization then how can happiness and equity be our virtue? On the other hand if we are satisfied with what we have then how can we advance our race, our civilization and what will be our legacy. The Oxford dictionary defines ‘ENOUGH’ as much or as many as desirable or necessary. When we have a dynamic need like most of us do, does it mean that we are doomed to unsatisfaction? Does it mean that we will have to spend the rest of our lives chasing a moving target? Or does it mean that many of the things that we think we need are most often simply the things that we want? Is there a difference between what we want and what we need? Should there be a limit on anyone? 
Our world, our race is faced with the difficult task of drawing the line between what is needed and what is wanted. The very essence of the word ‘ENOUGH’ lies between this two. We need to progress but there are lines which we can’t afford to cross. We only need to be unsatisfied enough so as not to be complacent. We should learn fast that what we need to have is often a world away from what we want to have. Our needs may not be curtailed but our wants can be easily restricted. Through our history, our inability to distinguish between our needs and wants in both our personal as well as social life has cost us dearly. Our environment and health are among the things that we have unnecessarily compromised. We are at a time where we need to make changes starting from our personal life. We need to recognize that our choices come with a cost that is threatening our future and existence as a race. It’s time to make a choice, Be Happy say’ ENOUGH’ ,Be healthy say ‘ENOUGH’ ,save yourself say ‘ENOUGH’ , save tomorrow say ‘ENOUGH’ save our planet say ‘ENOUGH’!!!!